im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
