...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
