Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
