he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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