im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize