Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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