How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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