Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
