My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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