Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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