before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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