We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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