I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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