Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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