For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
