I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize