Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
