By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
