..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
