I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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