hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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