She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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