his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
