Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
