Do you still have your period?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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