the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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