So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
