He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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