Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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