in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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