im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
