She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
