i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
