the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize