My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
