Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
