YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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