I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
