Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
