I heard we made out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
