he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
