come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
