so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
