The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
