weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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