Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
