'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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