Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Text me some of your sweat
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
