i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
