What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
