i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
