I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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