so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
