Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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