ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize