you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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