im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
