Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a search helicopter?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
