I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
