I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize