girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
