oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
