a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize