I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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