he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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