every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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