I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sext me about skeletons
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
