Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
