If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
