No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
