There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize