does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
