What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
