I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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