I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
