no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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