I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
