She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
