6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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