i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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