your room smells of hookers.
And success
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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