WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't deserve a penis
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
