She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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