please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
