Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
