They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
