Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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