I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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