Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
