Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
