there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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