You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
