I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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