yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
