Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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