im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
