Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
