And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
