If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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