Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
