apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
