did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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