I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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