You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
