I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
