Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
