Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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