my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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