UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
