Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize