Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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