from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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