She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize