the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
