I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
