Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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