just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
