Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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