Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
