u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
