i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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